Bush Declares War On Hatred
Published: June 17th, 2006
UNASSOCIATED PRESS, June 17th - Due to President Bush’s difficulty claiming true victory in the never-ending Global War on Terror, or the Struggle to Protect American Freedom from the Terrorist Adversary, or The Battle Against Islamic Insurgency, or whatever happens to be the name of the week, he has declared a Global War on Hatred. “If we could just get them folks to stop hatin’ so much, then we’d all be better off, the American people would be better off, and the loved ones of those who lost their lives in the tragic events of September 11, 2001 would be better off,” said Bush at a White House press conference on June 16th, 2006. Bush cited “new scientific research that shows indespicable proof that terror is linked to hatred, much more indespicable than the proof that linked Iraq and al-Qaeda, this is real scary stuff folks…I’ve seen the numbers and numbers don’t lie." He added that the administration has absolutely no plans or oversight beyond this declaration of war, other than “the immediate obliteration of any persons or group of persons displaying any type of hatred-type thoughts or actions.” Bush has announced the creation of a special division of Homeland Security, in cooperation with the CIA, FBI and ATF, to assess hatred levels in all human beings across the planet, beginning with the United States and the Middle East (excluding Israel). The Hatred Elimination Leaders for Protection (HELP) was created and funded with approval of the Senate at 2:45am, early Friday morning. After the President’s press conference, Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld expressed concern that there may, in fact, be a number of bearers of hatred right here in our own system of government. Although he did not expand much on this statement, he did add, “these haters often have very opposing views to the current administration, do not support the American troops, are unpatriotic, and have difficulty understanding the fundamental principle that freedom isn’t free.” He also requested anyone with information on such a person to contact HELP immediately. Strangely, there were no Senate or House Democrats available for comment. Chief White House Citizen Manipulator, Carl Rove, added,” The War on Hatred will also have benefits other than curbing terrorism, like a positive turn in Bush’s approval ratings, for instance.”
UNASSOCIATED PRESS, June 17th - Due to President Bush’s difficulty claiming true victory in the never-ending Global War on Terror, or the Struggle to Protect American Freedom from the Terrorist Adversary, or The Battle Against Islamic Insurgency, or whatever happens to be the name of the week, he has declared a Global War on Hatred. “If we could just get them folks to stop hatin’ so much, then we’d all be better off, the American people would be better off, and the loved ones of those who lost their lives in the tragic events of September 11, 2001 would be better off,” said Bush at a White House press conference on June 16th, 2006. Bush cited “new scientific research that shows indespicable proof that terror is linked to hatred, much more indespicable than the proof that linked Iraq and al-Qaeda, this is real scary stuff folks…I’ve seen the numbers and numbers don’t lie." He added that the administration has absolutely no plans or oversight beyond this declaration of war, other than “the immediate obliteration of any persons or group of persons displaying any type of hatred-type thoughts or actions.” Bush has announced the creation of a special division of Homeland Security, in cooperation with the CIA, FBI and ATF, to assess hatred levels in all human beings across the planet, beginning with the United States and the Middle East (excluding Israel). The Hatred Elimination Leaders for Protection (HELP) was created and funded with approval of the Senate at 2:45am, early Friday morning. After the President’s press conference, Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld expressed concern that there may, in fact, be a number of bearers of hatred right here in our own system of government. Although he did not expand much on this statement, he did add, “these haters often have very opposing views to the current administration, do not support the American troops, are unpatriotic, and have difficulty understanding the fundamental principle that freedom isn’t free.” He also requested anyone with information on such a person to contact HELP immediately. Strangely, there were no Senate or House Democrats available for comment. Chief White House Citizen Manipulator, Carl Rove, added,” The War on Hatred will also have benefits other than curbing terrorism, like a positive turn in Bush’s approval ratings, for instance.”
posted by ASHE at 10:30 AM
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